I work at Starbucks and my shifts consist mostly of working in drive-thru where I take orders or make drinks. One thing that I have gained from this has been the ability to pick up and interpret the nonverbal communication received from customers who are ordering. There have been few times in which I wasn’t sure if I should say “Thank you Sir” or Thank you Miss”, few times when I wasn’t sure if the customer was furious or happy, confused by what they just tasted or excited to drink something delicious. The point is, without seeing their faces, I know what gender they are, what mood they are in, and what to expect when they drive up to the window….all thanks to the different nonverbal cues that men and women use.
In my previous blog I discussed the fact that we are dependent on nonverbal communication more than we realize and that it is a constant balance between language and nonverbal cues. Given this fact, it is also important to acknowledge that gender plays a big role in this balance because, even though we don’t think about it, we analyze and interpret communication and cues based on what is expected from each gender. A few of the cues that are very gender-based include tone of voice, pitch, volume, facial expression, and touch. Some people may disagree with this, but when a man says something and his voice is as high pitched as a baby’s scream, I am a bit taken aback. Why? Because the norm in our society, based greatly on biological and anatomical facts, is that a man will have a deep voice, while a woman will be soft spoken with a higher pitched voice. The norm does not just include these anatomical differences, but also influence our idea of the different genders in that a man should have an angrier facial expression, speak louder, and be rough and not as willing to take part in any physical touch with other people. A woman must have a kind expression, a soft volume and smooth tone, and should be willing to hug and show affection toward others. Because if these norms it is sometimes difficult to analyze a person who does not follow it, and we often jump to conclusions about the individual if they are not “normal”.
As if communication between two women and two men is not hard enough already, opposite genders must try and figure each other out, considering everything we know and learn from society on how a man is or how a woman thinks. Unfortunately, there are many unsuccessful attempts. I am asked whether or not I believe that men and women indeed speak different languages…
Yes, I believe they do. I also believe that it is not impossible to understand each other. In my relationships with the opposite gender, it has become clear that I must be the one to sit him down, state my confusion as to what he meant by a certain cue, and then patiently wait while he explains. I have also found that being the one to explain what I meant (since men are just as confused by what we women sometimes cue) is truly a miscommunication preventer. It is a fact, just by looking at how men and women behave, carry themselves, and express their emotions, that we communicate differently, and since we have this knowledge we also have the power to make use of this in communicating better and making an effort in understanding each other.
English Thoughts,
ReplyDeleteReading your blog on gender roles in the society, I understand more how important customer service is. With both our experience in the food industry, we are living witnesses to what plain stereotype is and what is true about gender differences. Sometimes the modern society denies this difference because women are trying to rise up from the many years of suppression; because they want to be equal to men, they almost want to have an identical reputation if not better. Nevertheless, the attitude differences are still very visible. It is evident that men have a more dominant attitude because by experience, they are more assertive and have poor listening skills. Before you could say anything, they have almost a list they go by. Number of times, they will not talk or make time for small talk if unnecessary. Women are more passive in that, if you make a mistake in their order, they usually let it go. They are not to persistent in the things they want unless they have a storage of courage deep inside. They are more open for small discussions. Men would openly talk if they are used to seeing you –perhaps they have become regular customers.
Some of the things I stated may not be true for everybody but that is what I have noticed. As said in Baby Mama, “You’re only considered a bitch because you’re not a man. Cus then you would be a D**k”. Some things are just more acceptable when a man is doing it.
I agree with you that women and men do have a different language, but it’s not impossible to understand each other. Men and women do have different ways to communicate, so we just need to understand what these ways are. When men are upset, they like to handle their frustration in other ways. They like to be quiet and almost shut down. Sometimes us women get mad because they don’t want to tell us what’s wrong, but this is their way of handling their anger. So we need to understand their way of communication, they need a little more space than women do. If we keep pushing for what’s wrong, we can become the problem as well and we don’t want that. Women also respond differently when they are upset. When women get upset we like to talk and have a shoulder to lean on, we tend sometimes to talk more. Men have to understand that we just need somewhere there and we like the comforting touch, it can make us feel a lot better. So even though different genders have different languages, we can still learn to understand one another. So when they really need us the most we will be there.
ReplyDelete