When asked the question "What is more important - happiness or self-respect?" my initial thought was "Self-respect".
This response is directly related to the fact that I am taking a Personal And Social Adjustment Psych class this semester as well, and at the moment we are reviewing the theories that state that one must love and accept yourself before you can love and accept others, which in turn allows you to form relationships and find happiness. I completely agree with this and would probably keep to my answer, but then I analyzed this question based on the book "Reading Lolita In Tehran". It was put into a different context as follows:
...these characters depend to such a high degree on their own sense of integrity that for them, victory has nothing to do with happiness. It has more to do with a settling within oneself, a movement inward that makes them whole. Their reward is not happiness...but self-respect.
As I read this I realized that maybe my answer cannot be as simple and as straight forward as I thought. "Loving and accepting oneself" sure sounds a lot like it could be "a movement inward that makes [oneself] whole". So what is the correct answer? Does it depend solely on the context in which one reads it? And then, is this context based on a culture that is different from mine? A person that believes in a different god or who went through different experiences in life? Could it be the extent to which a person places dependency on something? In the novel it states that they "depend to such a high degree on" it.
Obviously, these questions will produce different answers for everyone, but for me, although I do consider the fact that people come from different backgrounds and cultures that view happiness and self-respect differently, the one can never replace or suffice for the other. Yes, these characters in the book put more emphasis on self-respect, but that does not mean they do not yearn for happiness. You can not respect yourself if you are not truly happy. I could never live a sad and lonely life (which to me means being unhappy), yet still wake up in the morning thinking "I am such a strong, respectful person. This is how I should live." You can not be truly happy if you do not respect yourself, as stated by the theories above. People need self-love to be happy, but also self-respect to be accepting of oneself.
What comes to mind is the example of the Japanese warriors who do not know what failure and defeat means, who, if they are not victorious, will literally kill themselves. To these warriors, fighting for their country is the most respectful thing one can do, and that is why victory is a much. Are these warriors truly happy? OR do they, just like they cannot fathom failure, not grasp the concept of happiness without being victorious. Obviously not, because if they lost, they would not kill themselves but instead retreat to their life and what makes them happy. This case makes me wonder once again, can you have only happiness or only self-respect?
Many more of these examples exist and it is impossible to come to a "right" answer. One can only look at the context, focus on the individual case, and understand that people are so different, in their culture and in their point of view.
I would like to respond to this particular portion of your blog: “You cannot respect yourself if you are not truly happy. I could never live a sad and lonely life (which to me means being unhappy), yet still wake up in the morning thinking "I am such a strong, respectful person. This is how I should live." You cannot be truly happy if you do not respect yourself, as stated by the theories above. People need self-love to be happy, but also self-respect to be accepting of oneself.”
ReplyDeleteIt is apparent that happiness and self-respect come as a package deal. It is nearly impossible to be happy without some degree of self-respect. On the other hand, it is hard to respect yourself when you have no reason to be happy. The illustration that comes to mind would be that of a coat and pants in the winter. You need both to stay warm. Just one of the two items does little to protect you from the elements when standing alone. However, if I had to chose one as being more important it would self-respect. Just as if you had to choose only one article of clothing, you would probably choose pants. At least this leaves you with a sense of dignity.
I believe this to be one of those “what would you rather?” type of questions. I would think that self- respect would be on everyone’s list for the simple fact that in the end- happiness will not matter. Happiness is but a drug for which the doses come in increments small and large varying for each individual, when we think about what it’ll be like when we die, it is not a happy thought; so when one ask’ the question- “How would you like to be remembered?”- I doubt that the sole answer would be that you want everyone to remember you as a happy person; but as someone who they loved and respected. In order to be loved and respected, one must possess an element of self-respect (whether they know it or not) to begin with. This is important to a lot of people, especially to those who are religious or political; they feel the need to leave a positive mark and the responsibility to uphold a satisfactory image. Happiness and self-respect go hand in hand; I can’t compete with the analogy above so I won’t even try!
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