Nonverbal behavior is a communication device that most people do not give credit to. Imagine having a conversation with someone whose voice stays on one tone throughout the conversation, or trying to discuss something with someone who looks at everything and everyone but cannot hold eye contact for more than a second. These are behaviors that do not cross our minds until we are struggling to stay awake, or wondering if there is something on our face that the person is trying to avoid.
In my experience, I have found that, like many others, I do not pay attention to this, until someone strays from the norm and once this happens I find it very difficult to contain my frustration or hide my confusion. What we do not realize is that, although language use is very important in communicating well, it is a constant balance between this language and nonverbal behavior that we consider, without even realizing it. Think about it this way…if a person is busy telling you how excited they are that they just got engaged, but their voice is cracking, their arms are folded, and they are looking at the ground, would you truly believe their excitement? If a person is smiling while telling you that their grandfather just passed away, would you feel confused? Of course! These examples are coming from both sides of the balance and are proof that language is dependent on nonverbal behavior and vice versa, in order to fully convey the message and emotion of what is being said.
Once you think about it, there are many signs and signals that you need to see or that you feed off of when having a conversation with someone. If I am discussing something very serious, I need the other person to be paying attention. I can be reassured that they are doing so if they are turned towards me, holding eye contact, maybe even nodding their head in agreement. People have always told me that I am funny because I really get into a story when someone is telling it. I nod my head, raise my eyebrows, change my facial expression, etc. and that is how I express that I am there and listening. As soon as I don’t do this, they ask me if I am listening or if something is wrong!
Body language is another form of nonverbal communication and I think it is the broadest form of its kind. We live in a society where body language is something we use to categorize someone. A guy walking down the street with a limp and sagging pants, is immediately a gangster in our minds, or a girl standing a certain way with her hand on her hip has an attitude or is being bitchy. You could say that the way we carry ourselves is almost more revealing than the words that come out of our mouths. To show confidence you must stand up straight with your nose in the air, you must make eye contact with everyone and walk as if you own the world. When you feel uncomfortable you cross your arms, look away, twirl your hair, or hunch your back.
Nonverbal behavior comes in many forms and one of the many things that influence this is gender. I am a lady in my parent’s eyes and that is why I always sit with my back straight and my legs crossed. We girls always feel so special when a guy stands or walks in front of us with his head high and his chest out, because his nonverbal behavior is communicating the message that he is proud and protective over us. Don’t we automatically think that, when we see two guys holding hands, they are homosexual? These are all gender-based nonverbal behavior that goes against our norm.
Nonverbal behavior is a powerful tool that is as necessary as language, and if either one is used in a way that does not balance them, miscommunication is inevitable.
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